


Happy endings for fuck ups like us

by FanFicReader01



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homelessness, M/M, Trans Male Character, drunk olli, finnish godfathers universe, jolli is my life now, mention of the others - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 18:11:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13218189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: Short fragments of Jolli, set in the Finnish Godfathers universe as told by Olli





	Happy endings for fuck ups like us

**Author's Note:**

> IT HAS BEEN 84 YEARS since i posted fanfic.
> 
> Anyway, have some Jolli because it's my OTP.
> 
> Other note, yes Jani is a trans guy in this fic just like he was in FG.  
> It was interesting to write about this topic. I think gender is quite difficult and complicated and I may never completely understand everything about it but this was a first attempt to write about it.  
> I hope i haven't offended anyone with this >.<
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it anyway :D

It’s almost autumn but it might be fucking winter for all I care. The sun shines but it sure as hell doesn’t warm me (luckily alcohol does). Darn wind goes right through my layers of clothes. The air leaves small cuts on my hands. Small cuts but frustrating pain. Fuck my life.

With trembling, numb fingers I try to built something that resembles a shack (I lost track of all my previous attempts) but even for the monstrosity I made, it’s not worthy of the name.

When one of the wooden planks falls for the hundredth time, I curse and kick the darn thing with my boot. It causes the plank to fall against my ‘home’ and then more parts of it fall apart. I can’t freaking believe this. Life really hates me now, huh? First the gambling and alcohol. Then the divorce. Together with that I lost the custody of my only child and now I’ve become homeless.

 

I sink to my knees and let out an agitated groan.

 “Need help?” an unfamiliar voice startles me out of my frustration. I snap my head to see who’s calling me out.

 Another man is standing behind me. He wears a black hoodie, a scarf, grey jeans and boots. He wears his hair in a remarkable mohawk.

 I huff: “Why?”

“Well, you seem to have trouble with building a house,” the stranger explains with an easy-going smile. It makes me laugh. I don’t need his pity. I don’t deserve it. What if this is a trick?

 “Ha, do you really wanna help me or did you just come here to laugh at my misery?” I spit at his feet.

“No, no. It’s genuine. I just wanted to help out a fellow-, you are homeless too, right?” the other man stammers. I raise an eyebrow. “You homeless?” As I stare down the stranger, I notice the travelling bag next to him.

 “Yes, I am. So please, let me help you out,” the man nods.

“So you can steal my place after you’ve helped?” I snort, still suspicious of his motives.

 “Wha-, no?!” the taller man exclaims. “I’ll go my merry way afterwards! I promise!”

I peer at the man. I can’t help but think that he doesn’t look that bad for a hobo.

 “Promise?” I ask again.

“Promise.”

 

\--

 

I’ve decided to let Jani -that’s the stranger’s name- stay at my shack. After all, he helped me building it. This took us a few days but eventually we pulled it off. Luckily no hooligans came and destroyed the structure (that has happened to me in the past).

 It’s cold, both inside and outside. Hoping to lose the cold, I’ve opened a few bottles and drank all of them in one go. It has made me wobbly and lightheaded. After I was done drinking, I left the bottles on the sidewalk and tried to find my way home.

 I’m surprised I actually knew how to get back to the shack.

On wobbly feet I go inside. I can’t think clear and I feel incredibly tired and also dizzy. I have to puke and if it wasn’t for Jani, I would’ve fallen into my own vomit right then and there.

 “Olli!” he exclaims worried.

I want to yell at him for catching me like that and cleaning me up afterwards too. I don’t need to be pampered like I’m a pathetic little baby. “F-Fuckin hell,” I curse but the other man doesn’t let go of me.

Instead he tucks me in a few layers of clothing to keep me warm. He has made a ‘bed’ out of another pile of clothes. While I’m laying down, trying to feel less nauseous, Jani’s cleaning the mess I made.

 I don’t deserve this treatment. I don’t deserve this surprisingly lovable bastard.

 

\--

 

Jani fucking Snellman. That guy is unbelievable. Before we became friends and hobos in crime, I really thought he was just another asshole who liked to laugh at homeless people. I was wrong in every way.

Instead, I was met with a friendly, gentle and understanding person who always liked to help others even if they didn’t deserve it (yes, I’m referring to myself). The other man firstly seemed to be a handy tool I could use in dire times on the streets but soon the amicability became mutual. No longer did I see Jani as an expandable thing, only good for my own needs. How could I even think about him that way?!

 For the first time, I felt like a caring human being again. I thought I could never feel affection to anyone after my divorce (even though I still love my son very dearly). Jani proved me wrong. That magnificent bastard.

 

\--

 

The first time I got to know about Jani’s ‘little secret’ wasn’t the most desirable way for it to happen.

Heck, I still can’t believe he actually forgave me for the stupid things that had happened back then.

 

~

 

I arrived at our shack, drunk as fuck. Or well, tipsy as hell. I had downed a few bottles too many and that wasn’t the best idea. Then again, when did I ever do something _right_? When I stood in front of the hut I stopped for a second. I swore I could hear Jani sing. I giggled and then I suddenly remembered how he told me to ‘take a walk around the block’ earlier today. He always told me that when he didn’t feel well. Only for him, I obeyed but me being the apathetic drunk I was at that moment, busted through the door. Completely ignoring the personal space Jani asked every now and then.

 When I looked inside, nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. The place was a fucking mess as usual. Jani was sitting on one of the pillows and- Again, a giggle escaped my throat.

 “Olli?!” Jani shrieked as he spotted me.

“A-Are you naked?” I shamelessly ogled the other man who was turning into a red tomato now. He held his arms protectively in front of his bared chest.

 I turned my eyes to slits and crouched closer.

“What the fuck you hidin’ for? I may dig dicks but I ain’t gonna jump you like a horny rabbit,” my voice sounded sluggish and very alcohol influenced.

 “D-Didn’t I tell you to go for a walk?” Jani hissed, still covering his body with his hands and arms. I pouted and faked a snivel: “Already did that. Bored to death.” Without any particular reason, I wrapped my arms around my fellow hobo and leaned heavily against him. I slumped down, taking his arms with me.

My face was pressed against his belly. Jani felt comfortably warm. I smiled, ignoring my friend’s pleas for release.

 “Just a bit longer mom,” I murmured with flushed cheeks. Finally the other man managed to kick me off of him and I fell back with a thud.

 “I’m _not_ your mom, you are drunk, Olli!” Jani snarled and pointed at me. The gesture revealed what my friend had been hiding all this time. I honestly didn’t expect _that_.

“And you are _BOOBS_ MCKENZIE!” I exclaimed with an absurd laugh that made me roll on the ground. “Gosh, you have tits!” I gasped in-between obnoxious laughter. How was that possible? A man with boobs? Eventually I kept laying down on the floor, my face pointed towards it. After I had calmed down, I wiped away some tears of laughter but remained motionless on the floor.

The alcohol slowly got out of my system and I started to realize what had happened. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I crawled back up and sat down like a, somewhat, decent human being. I dared a side-glance at my friend who was sitting in the corner. He reminded me of a kid who got punished for being naughty. Except, I should be that punished kid.

 Jani’s shoulders were trembling. He (or is he actually a _she_?) was hunched over. Probably crying. Fucking hell, I did this. I caused him to feel so miserable. Amazing friend I am.

 “Oh, god, Jani.. I-,” I stuttered, not knowing what to say. Regret, self loathe and also lots of questions were filling my head. That, combined with the alcohol wasn’t the best combination, huh.

 “JUST LEAVE ME BE!” he snapped back at me, turning around slightly. Tears were rolling down his reddened cheeks, his eyes fierce and sad at the same time. Shit, shit, shit.

I retreated, knowing this was the best thing I could do. Yes, I better didn’t open my stupid mouth any time soon.

 

\--

 

The next morning Jani was gone and I woke up with a terrible headache. Yet, it wasn’t as painful as the thing that came next: recalling everything that had happened yesterday’s night.

As soon as my legs allowed me to stand again, I ran out of the shack, tripped and fell onto the ground. Obviously I cursed with my oh so rich vocabulary before I went to look for Jani. Where would he go?

 While walking down the street, I decided it might be better if I didn’t look for him. He disappeared for a reason and I didn’t want to hurt him more than I already did.

Defeated, I returned to the shack where I was heavily thinking. What should I do? What should I say and how should I react when he returns? _If_ he returns at all? What if I ruined it all? That would be one more name to tick off my fucked-up-my-relations list.

 So what if Jani gets back and he’d be cool (that would be magic) about it? Then could I ask him about the… stuff I’ve seen yesterday? Could I blatantly ask him?

 Should I say anything at all? By now I should know that everything I say, comes out wrong. But pretending nothing happened probably doesn’t work either.

 

As I was pondering, I didn’t notice Jani entering the shack. He dropped his bags as he saw me.

I gulped and he swallowed thickly.

 “O-Olli, you’re still here?” the other stammered, more surprised than disappointed.

“J-Jani,” I stammered back, not knowing what else to say. Quickly I stared at the dirty floor as I tried to avoid his gaze. He sat down next to me. A heavy silence followed and filled the small, wooden structure.

Eventually we both wanted to speak up at the same time, cutting each other off unintendingly.

 “Olli, I-,”

“Jani, look-“

 I shook my head and closed my eyes. My fingers rubbed my temples nervously as I outed in a sigh: “I’m so sorry, Jani. For what happened yesterday. I understand if you hate me now and-, fuck I’m just so messed up. The alcohol it just… _no_. That’s the lamest excuse ever, I, look… Jani-,” I fell over my own words during my whole apology.

 “It’s okay,” Jani simply replied. It made me look in his eyes for the first time after what happened. There was still sorrow and sadness in his eyes.

“I understand if you are… well, disgusted by me. And it’s _me_ who should apology for lying to you. For… not telling you about my _true_ self. You see, it’s complicated. This body of mine and-,” Jani stopped talking and looked away in shame. Shit, what should I do now?

 “You shouldn’t apologize. I’m the real dickhead here and-,” damn, could this come off wrong too?

“I mean, I just barged into your freaking personal space like it was nothing. And… and then I saw things I probably shouldn’t have seen and… I’ve insulted you and, and… shit.” Nervously I fumbled with my fingers.

 “I look disgusting, huh?” Jani chuckled but it clearly wasn’t sincere.

“No, no! You look, eh… well, I didn’t really expect you to have those assets and- OMG, I’M SO SORRY JANI! I really don’t know what to say or how to express myself. It’s just that I wished I could turn back time and that this had never happened and I hope we can still be friends but I also understand if you hate me forever and that you want me to just fuck off and die somewhere,” I say in one breath.

My friend’s eyes widened.

 “Oh.”

More silence. It got broken by the usual banter we usually have.

 “I’ll just go and prepare some food now,” Jani muttered.

 

\--

 

During our late breakfast, Jani dared to bring up the topic again because our childish denial was so painful, we could barely get lumps of bread plumped down our throats.

 “E-earlier on you said you wished this never happened, right?” his voice sounded so fragile like it could break any second. Fuck, this was bad.

I only dared to nod.

 “Well, I guess sooner or later you would’ve discovered anyway. So… now that we’re both emotionally sober again- you’re sober, right?”

Again a nod.

 “I want to know, what do you think of me? How do you feel about me?”

“Y-You’re still my friend. O-or at least I hope we could still be. B-but honestly… I don’t know exactly what you are. I mean, oh no, I didn’t mean it like that…” I visibly smacked my own head against the nearest wall. It probably wouldn’t smack the stupidity out of me, though.

 “Understood. How should I put this, Olli?” Jani heavily inhaled before slowly exhaling.

“Are you a man?” I asked too quickly. _Just shut your idiotic mouth. Haven’t you learned anything from yesterday?_

 “Yes. Or well… I think I’m a man. I _want to_ be. But my body kind of tells me I’m not,” Jani eventually confessed. His eyes were fixed on the floor.

 “As-, as you could see… not all parts of me are ‘manly’,” my friend stammered.

“So down there…” I hesitated. How many slaps should I get?

 “Yes. I’m dickless,” Jani started to turn red. “D-Do you know about trans people?’

I shook my head.

 “Very simply put: a trans person feels like they’re born in the ‘wrong body’. Like you might be born a girl, but your body doesn’t match how you identify yourself. Or the other way around as it’s in my case. Like, speaking of my own experience, I’m a guy who wished he could be a woman so my body and mind would align. Does that make any sense?” Jani now spoke more calmly and calculated.

Still, as I tried to read his body language, I could see how unsure and tiny he felt. It made me want to hug him.

 

My mind tried to make things clear. I was glad the alcohol no longer affected my brain.

So if I understood this correctly, Jani was trans. He’s a guy but his body doesn’t ‘match’. He just happened to get the ‘wrong‘ body at birth. And that’s the reason why his chest wasn’t flat. But how did his face look like a guy then? And how did he have facial hair? How was all this possible? So many questions and so few answers.

 “Are you alright?” Jani asked with concern in his voice.

“Yeah, yea. It’s just a lot to digest. My mind’s working overtime,” I snorted in reply. Then I quickly looked up and exclaimed immediately afterwards: “But that’s alright because I’d like to know more! I want to understand you! I know I’m a dumb fuck but I try my best, okay? Even after I insulted you yesterday! I still regret that so much! And when I said I wanted yesterday to never happen, I meant insulting you! Hurting… you!” Before I realized, I had stood up. My heart felt like it wanted to jump out of my chest.

 Jani was giving me a bewildered look. His eyes big, filled with tears.

“A-Are you serious?” he stammered in disbelief. I nodded, now determined. I sunk down until I was kneeling down by my friend. I grabbed him by the shoulders.

 “Damn sure I am! What you were sayin… you’re a dude in a female body, right?”

Jani snivelled and through his tears he nodded. “I g-guess so.”

 “In that case, nothing’s wrong with you. It’s God’s fault for giving you the wrong body. God fucked up big time,” I grinned, hoping to lighten the mood.

 “You’re ridiculous, sure you’re not drunk?” Jani managed a little grin on his lips.

“So do you feel like a man?”

 “Yes?” he muttered. That was not convincing at all, I thought.

“Are you a man?”

 “Yes.” Still so hesitant.

“ARE YOU A MAN?” I shouted like I was a freaking drill sergeant.

 “YES!” Jani shouted back.

In his eyes I spotted more determination than before. It made me smirk but then Jani’s confidence seemed to drop as he let his shoulders hang as if defeated.

 “Hey, look, Jani. I support you, okay? Or well… at least I try, damn it.”

“Everything’s not so easily said as done… or experienced in my case, Olli,” Jani sobbed, constantly wiping away his tears.

I patted my friend on his shoulder before I decided to go in for a full hug.

 “You’re probably right. I have no fucking clue what’s going on in that head or body of yours. Heck, I’m really an ignorant fool but I’d like to change that…. With your help, if you want. Really, Jani. Please, it will be alright. We can do this, _together._ ”

 “You’re too kind for me,” Jani cried before he hugged me back. And so we sat there in silence. I tried desperately to understand and comfort my friend and undo the wrong I had done before. All I could do now, was educate myself on the topic and comfort and support my friend as much as possible. I wanted to let him know he wasn’t alone and that I was there for him.

 “We can do this,” I repeated with a whisper.

“Thank you, Olli. Thank you so much for caring,” Jani said.

 

 

~

 

“You should try to imagine this: you’re a man, right?” Jani starts as we’re having lunch at the park. It’s cold outside but for once it’s bearable. Maybe because my friend is so warm.

 “You bet I am,” I smirk at my friend.

“Well, now imagine your parents denied you that fact. What if they told you, you were a girl?”

 “But I’m not!” I counter almost immediately.

“Exactly. But hey, your parents don’t understand you and they keep telling you to wear dresses and wear makeup so you look like a ‘girl’,” Jani continues.

 “Oh, that would fucking suck,” I grumble, trying to imagine it.

“That’s how I felt and how I sometimes still feel,” Jani eventually says. “Well, I only realized after I hit puberty. Maybe even later.”

 “Wait, so you can figure those things out later?” I mutter confused. My friend nods.

“Yes. Absolutely. Just like some people find out they’re gay when they’re seventy!”

 “Guess then I figured out I’m bi because of you,” I smirk and it makes Jani blush.

 

\--

 

After the miraculous journey of finding baby Marko’s rightful parents, life has taken a _huge_ turn for us.

Jari had returned home after reconciling with his parents. As for Jani, we stayed at our shack. That didn’t mean we were not trying to change our lives for the better.

More miracles happened and we both got a job. And before we knew it we were off the streets and into a small but cosy and affordable apartment not far away from where we used to ‘live.’

 

\--

 

“What are you doing?” Jani suddenly stands behind me as I’m trying to write something.

 “Writing a letter,” I reply.

My partner leans over and takes a look. “To your son?” he guesses and I nod.

 “Yes, I just don’t know where to start,” I sigh. Really what the fuck should I write? Say how sorry I am? Begging to see him more?

 “You’ll do fine. Just write what’s on your mind,” Jani suggests.

“I’ll try my best. But without all my cursing that’s going on in my head,” I cackle and it makes Jani laugh as well. “Yeah, you better avoid those vulgar slangs. If you want, I could help or reread after you’re done?”

 “Thanks, that’d be appreciated,” I smile before I give him a smooch on his stubbled cheek.

 

\--

 

After I’ve returned from my work, Jani’s awaiting me in the kitchen. Most of the time he’s home earlier so he cooks us dinner.

When I come in I see a readable smirk on his lips.

 “What’s this all about?” I ask him.

Instead of saying something, he just holds something in the air. Upon closer inspection I see it’s a letter. Quickly I take it from his hand and look at it.

 “This is… this is from…,” I stammer.

“Marko,” Jani completes my sentence before patting me on the shoulder.

 “He-, he actually replied,” I mutter. My hands are trembling as I open the envelope. I feel my partner’s eyes on me.

 “Oh, sorry, you need some personal space?” he quickly steps aside but I shake my head.

“Nah, it’s fine. You can look,” I say.

My heart is beating fast as I read what my son has to say. To my surprise, everything is positive and he actually wants to see me more often now that he knows I’ve established a decent life.

 “Congratulations on that!” Jani cheers me on. Before I know it, he’s picked me off the ground and spins me around.

 “That’s great news, Olli!”

“I know, I know,” I grunt. “You can put me down now.” Even though I say that, it’s always a great feeling to be in the arms of my lover like that.

 

\--

 

“So, who should we invite?” Jani and I are sitting on the couch, setting up a list of names. As we’re thinking of possible guests, we simultaneously think of the same person: “JARI!”

 “Your son, definitely too,” my soon-to-be husband adds.

  I grin. “If we’re inviting my family, then you should invite yours.”

“Well, that means Ficlèta and the whole gang,” Jani laughs. “You know, it makes me think of that one special Christmas holiday.”

 “Oh, the time we raced through the whole city and beyond to find Marko’s parents?” I recall. Remembering the chaos and the adventure makes me wipe away a manly tear. Good old, homeless days.

 “Yep, maybe we should invite that nice taxi driver to our wedding as well,” Jani mutters.

I look doubtfully. “You sure he wants to attend that? Poor dude had to suffer a lot because of our then sorry, broke asses. We still haven’t paid him back.”

 “I bet he likes me more than he dares to admit,” Jani cackles amused.

“Then we should invite that mafia boss too. Jaska Mäkinen was his name, huh?”

 “Yup. We should ask him too,” Jani agrees, “It’s only fair, after all he helped us a lot, be it indirectly.”

“Maybe he can even sponsor the whole thing!” I grin. It’s not that we’ve become super rich all of a sudden. We still have to think about our budget and all.

Jani rolls his eyes. “Is this the man I’m going to marry?” he jokes.

I crouch closer to him until I’m basically sitting on his lap. “I believe so. You can still cancel it all, though. We have yet to write all the invitation cards.” Now I swing my arms around my lover’s neck and press a kiss on his forehead.

 “Nah, how could I ever say no to that fabulous proposal you did a few days ago?” Jani smiles and kisses me back.

 “It was clumsy as hell. I stammered a lot and even had to curse a few times before I got out the right words,” I sigh.

“Some things never change,” Jani laughs. He starts leaving some soft kisses along my neck before he looks up to me again.

 “You know what else doesn’t change?” he asks. I raise a questioning eyebrow.

“My love for you, Olli,” Jani says. He presses me closer to him and drags me into a heartfelt kiss. After we part lips, I close my eyes and rest my head against his chest. “And I will always love you too,” I muse.


End file.
